I hate 2nds

There are exceptions, but generally speaking I hate 2nds.

2^nd interviews.  2^nd auditions.  2^nd bills.  2^nd dates.  2^nd choices.

I’m neutral about 2^nd cousins because actually I don’t really know who they are. 
(Are they the children of cousins or is that 1^st cousin once removed?)

But 2^nd interviews suck.  I have been waiting for a 2^nd interview for a job for days now. Yet despite the recruitment chap promising to get back in touch and saying he’d try hard to make a time early this week, nothing’s happened.  So again I’m left hanging.  It’s probably worse because I waited nearly a fortnight for the first interview, but it leaves me in an awkward position. I’m reluctant, you see, to accept another job I’ve been offered as it’s not my style to say yes and then let someone down (which is what I’d have to do if the 2^nd offer were to come through as it’s more in line with my skills, experience and projected bank balance, all of which is important when you're a freelancer). 

Before I spread my wings into management, there were other 2nds which weren’t great: 2nd auditions.  You waited for your agent to call, on the edge of the seat until he/she did, and then five minutes after being told you had a “call back”… you were torn between already spending the money and the torture of knowing your competition was someone more famous or more likely to get the part than you were.  So, only validating to a point. Whereas by the 3^rd and 4^th audition you felt like you genuinely had a good shot, and could relax and enjoy it more. Well, until the 5^th or 6^th audition by which time you dreaded the possibility of being 2nd choice!

That’s another 2nd I’m not fond of: understudy.  You stand in the wings, rehearsed and ready, keen to get your chance to go on… but it rarely happens like Ruby Keeler in 42^nd Street.  Once I was even in the costume having the wig put on, when the star arrived and they threw me out of the make-up chair because it was two minutes before the half-hour-call (which was as per union rules but brutal for an understudy who was so ripe by then it was pathetic).  Took years before a kind, older actress, explained that particular girl would never have gone off sick when I was so perpetually eager.  In fact I recall when I spilt tea on her she asked if I’d done it on purpose?  No!  Seriously, it was an accident.  Well, consciously.  Whatever, it seems I lack the subtlety of a 2nd. I can’t play the politics of a corporate ladder well either - biding my moment with Machiavellian objectivity and rationality.  I’ve never been sufficiently cool to feign indifference. 

And what about 2^nd bills?  They are never nice.  They use language like “reminder” but you know the debt collector is dusting off his hat ready to threaten you.

I was nearly a 2^nd wife once, too, but to be perfectly honest the role didn’t sit well with me.  

2^nd dates aren’t my favourite either.  You presume you’re both interested enough to have a closer look, but can you be sure he’s genuine?  Is it romance or friendship?  Is he a player?  Is he smart, kind, sexy enough?  You notice things you hadn’t noticed before and, as we’re all human, the rose-coloured glasses may strain a little.  Whereas by the 3^rd or 4^th date you’ve been talking to your girlfriends about how cute he is and whether or not you’re going to kiss.  Much more fun. 

On the other hand, I’ve never turned down a 2^nd glass of wine and I’ve always been a fan of 2^nd base. Not the baseball variety: the sensually exhilarating, joyful phase of a new attraction. No risk. No worry. No commitment (necessarily).  Love it.

I also admit to quite liking 2^nd helpings; though often regret it later.

And 2^nd class was pretty good. Mrs Buckley was one of those intuitive souls who could see the difference between spirit and bad character.  She diligently made us recite our ‘times tables’ and I never once saw her use the ruler she carried. Shame my High School Principal didn’t take a leaf out of her book (for that particular Nun thought I was definitely destined to join the rebellious Archangel in the 2^nd place, the hot place).

You can score with 2^nd hand clothes, providing you wash them well.  Curries and Spaghetti Bolognese on the 2^nd sitting are often better than the first.  And of course what kind of world would it be if we didn’t get 2^nd chances?  Or for that matter 3^rd and 4^th…

But overall, I have to say 2^nd is not a place I like to be.  It reminds me of the mean Professor who spoiled my academic record by giving me one mark short of a straight hand of High Distinction results in my Masters.  It irks. 

So, having said all that, do you think the recruitment guy will ring for the 2^nd interview?  Or do I have to accept my 2^nd choice of job and make the best of it?

This is evidence of greed, I know; ego, idealism and impatience too.  But when you come from a big noisy family where you have to fight to get attention, you grow up determined to be anything but average. 

No wonder I quit the orchestra when they offered me 2^nd trumpet.